Although my life is usually full of shit to do, people to see, errands to run and often little time to myself, I must take the time to acknowledge how much I truly enjoy laziness.
That awesome moment when you’re sitting in your room and you’re like,
“Damn, I should totally go to the corner store and buy a pizza and bag of chips and eat the entire thing sitting right here in front of my
computer, because I am all alone and no one is here to judge me and it
is truly the little moments that make life.” But then you consider it
for a moment or two, and you’re like, “But, damn, I am so comfortable in
my room right now and I’m wearing my
‘society doesn’t understand me’ clothes and walking all the way to the corner store in this weather would
completely negate the pleasure I would get from mounds of food, plus
the cashier always tries to awkwardly hit on me no matter how
soccer-mom-sad my ponytail is and frankly, I’d rather not deal with it.”
And then you just end up eating that apple that was sitting in your
kitchen, and your body feels somewhat refreshed afterward and doesn’t
hate you for yet another in the endless list of sins you commit against
it.
Laziness is awesome.
That awesome moment when your “friends” — more acquaintances with
sweeter social calendars than anything — invite you to this cool party at
this hot bar and you’re totally planning on going and spending about 15
dollars a pop for drinks you will spend the entire evening complaining
about. You’re planning (whether you know it or not) on throwing
up more around than in the toilet,
ruining a new pair of shoes on
unforgiving sidewalk grates (I'm so good at this!), getting into an argument at the bar that
looks for a moment as though it may turn physical, but actually won’t
because you’re both lame, and passing out on your floor as soon as you
close the door behind you. But then you think, eh, I don’t really feel
like dragging my ass all the way across town, and besides, I could spend
all night Skyping, watching so many stolen movies, and
taking pictures
of myself drinking out of a big glass of wine. And then you do it, and
it’s the most awesome night in recent memory, and your checking account
doesn’t look like someone napalmed it the next morning.
Laziness is awesome.
That awesome moment when you are getting home from a night out that
you actually did get suckered into, and are starting that glamorous,
sexy, well-coordinated dance of stumbling out of the majority of your
clothes as you fall into bed. And then suddenly it hits you: There is
someone out there in the cold, unforgiving night for whom you have more
than a few choice words. By gum, you have things to say, and now is the
very most opportune time to call them and tell them exactly how you feel
— now, at three in the morning, when you don’t remember your middle
name ( I often forget mine...) and every time you swallow it tastes like alcohol-soaked Sour Patch
Kids. You get up the gall to have this very important conversation,
locate your phone, and start fumbling with it. But then you think — ugh.
Dialing ten whole numbers? Right now? What am I, that Sesame Street
Vampire? You’ve suddenly stopped caring what a phone even is, or what
purpose it serves in our complicated modern society. So you do the
honorable thing: You eat half a bag of Doritos and pass out in a pile of
drool and crumbs. And, when you wake up, you’re in a state to fully
understand how terrible that conversation would have been.
Laziness is awesome.
CASE CLOSED.
em xo
