lazy daze

Although my life is usually full of shit to do, people to see, errands to run and often little time to myself, I must take the time to acknowledge how much I truly enjoy laziness.

That awesome moment when you’re sitting in your room and you’re like, “Damn, I should totally go to the corner store and buy a pizza and bag of chips and eat the entire thing sitting right here in front of my computer, because I am all alone and no one is here to judge me and it is truly the little moments that make life.” But then you consider it for a moment or two, and you’re like, “But, damn, I am so comfortable in my room right now and I’m wearing my ‘society doesn’t understand me’ clothes and walking all the way to the corner store in this weather would completely negate the pleasure I would get from mounds of food, plus the cashier always tries to awkwardly hit on me no matter how soccer-mom-sad my ponytail is and frankly, I’d rather not deal with it.” And then you just end up eating that apple that was sitting in your kitchen, and your body feels somewhat refreshed afterward and doesn’t hate you for yet another in the endless list of sins you commit against it.

Laziness is awesome.

That awesome moment when your “friends” — more acquaintances with sweeter social calendars than anything — invite you to this cool party at this hot bar and you’re totally planning on going and spending about 15 dollars a pop for drinks you will spend the entire evening complaining about. You’re planning (whether you know it or not) on throwing up more around than in the toilet, ruining a new pair of shoes on unforgiving sidewalk grates (I'm so good at this!), getting into an argument at the bar that looks for a moment as though it may turn physical, but actually won’t because you’re both lame, and passing out on your floor as soon as you close the door behind you. But then you think, eh, I don’t really feel like dragging my ass all the way across town, and besides, I could spend all night Skyping, watching so many stolen movies, and taking pictures of myself drinking out of a big glass of wine. And then you do it, and it’s the most awesome night in recent memory, and your checking account doesn’t look like someone napalmed it the next morning.

Laziness is awesome.

That awesome moment when you are getting home from a night out that you actually did get suckered into, and are starting that glamorous, sexy, well-coordinated dance of stumbling out of the majority of your clothes as you fall into bed. And then suddenly it hits you: There is someone out there in the cold, unforgiving night for whom you have more than a few choice words. By gum, you have things to say, and now is the very most opportune time to call them and tell them exactly how you feel — now, at three in the morning, when you don’t remember your middle name ( I often forget mine...) and every time you swallow it tastes like alcohol-soaked Sour Patch Kids. You get up the gall to have this very important conversation, locate your phone, and start fumbling with it. But then you think — ugh. Dialing ten whole numbers? Right now? What am I, that Sesame Street Vampire? You’ve suddenly stopped caring what a phone even is, or what purpose it serves in our complicated modern society. So you do the honorable thing: You eat half a bag of Doritos and pass out in a pile of drool and crumbs. And, when you wake up, you’re in a state to fully understand how terrible that conversation would have been.

Laziness is awesome.

CASE CLOSED.


em xo